What If Your Mission’s Impossible?

Sometimes the real problem ISN'T that you're a hopeless incompetent

The Charlie Daniels Band playing like their souls depend on it

Like many people, you may struggle with a form of self-doubt known as “impostor syndrome.” This is the fear of being exposed as a fraud in endeavors where one purports to exhibit a level of expertise. At least, I think that’s what it is. Please don’t look it up, as I’m terrified that people will figure out that I write these essays despite not having any idea what I’m talking about. 

At the opposite end of the spectrum is what’s called the Dunning-Kruger effect. This is when individuals vastly overestimate their knowledge or talents. Thankfully, real-world examples of the Dunning-Kruger effect are rare unless you count federal, state and local government, corporate America, the entertainment industry, politics, education, law enforcement, academia, professional sports officiating, most drivers on the road, and Australian breakdancers. But otherwise, exceedingly rare. 

Then again, maybe you’re one of those unusual individuals who don’t need to worry about impostor syndrome or the Dunning-Kruger effect because you’ve made an honest assessment of your abilities and accurately concluded that you’re, well, pretty darned awesome. Well, good for fucking you.

That’s Not Gonna Happen

Being so capable and self-aware can lead to other problems, however. For example, on occasion, you might be asked to perform tasks that exceed even your abilities to the point of being impossible. 

I recall encountering a particularly glaring example of this phenomenon involving a cousin of mine whom I will call “John” to protect his anonymity (and also because that’s his real name). John is a talented musician and composer who has worked in film and television for decades. A few years ago a film industry music director offered John a job composing music for the third Bill & Ted movie. 

For those who missed it, this film finds our protagonists traveling through time and space in search of inspiration to write the ultimate piece of music that will end strife and bring peace to the universe. John was brought in early in the development process to write the film’s featured song. 

“We’re looking for something light and catchy, you know, that people can groove to? And also it should be the single greatest piece of music ever written. You have till Tuesday.”

What In The Devil?

A related example from the world of music is contained in the classic Charlie Daniels Band country hit “The Devil Went Down to Georgia.”

As you no doubt recall, the song opens with these lyrics:

The Devil went down to Georgia
He was lookin' for a soul to steal
He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind
And he was willing to make a deal

Now let’s set aside for a moment that in the song the Devil wasn’t, in fact, “lookin’ for a soul to steal,” because as the subsequent lines make clear, the Devil was actually merely seeking to place a bet, using a person’s soul as the stakes. Very different from outright theft. A minor point, perhaps, but there’s no need to make the Devil out to seem like a worse guy than he already is. He is the Devil, after all. 

And we can also ignore the curious idea that the Devil was facing a professional crisis because he was on the brink of failing to meet some sort of “soul quota.” One would think that a clear benefit to being the Devil is that you’re pretty much your own boss, but apparently not if, as the song suggests, he’s got a supervisor back at the home office breathing down his neck about not hitting his monthly numbers.

Johnny On The Spot

Anyway, the gist of the song is that the devil offers up a golden fiddle in exchange for the soul of anyone who accepts the challenge to outplay him. One fiddler, identified only as “Johnny,” accepts the challenge while telling the devil, “I'll take your bet and you're gonna regret 'cause I'm the best there's ever been.”

Those familiar with the song know that “Johnny” does, in fact, outplay the devil and wins the golden fiddle. 

What strikes me about this battle between Johnny and the devil is not so much the story or the lyrics but the challenge facing the band if they ever had to advertise for a new fiddler:

Wanted: Fiddle Player
Requirements:
- 10+ years experience playing Country & Western music
- Available to tour both nationally and internationally
- Must play well enough to convincingly outperform the Devil in a fiddle contest

Talk about pressure! What musician reads an ad like that and thinks, “Yeah, I can TOTALLY play better than the Lord of Darkness himself.” Admittedly, there’s nothing in the Bible explicitly describing Satan as a great musical talent, but you’d think that over a few thousand years, he’d have had plenty of time to practice. And not for nothing, but to me the torment of listening to someone teaching himself how to play the fiddle sounds like a pretty accurate description of hell. 

As for my cousin, I don’t remember exactly what happened with the Bill & Ted movie. I know he didn’t wind up writing any music for the actual film, but I don’t think that was because he told them they were asking the impossible. Although it would have been pretty funny if he had turned them down and said, “Sorry, I think you have the wrong ‘John.’ You need to reach out to the Charlie Daniels Band.”